Theo – Dreams of Alan Partridge and a squashed tomato

On our last night in Turkey, after a fabulous meal of rice and beans and a chocolate birthday cake for Shannon, courtesy of the truly lovely host at a local eatery in Erzurum, I dreamed the strangest dream.

I dreamt that I was Alan Partridge, appearing in a reality show with young offenders and some E-list clelebs, and we had to devise and perform a Nativity Play over the course of 7 days.

Our daily schedule sheet was divided into quadrants (which Jungian dream analysts will appreciate), and by Wednesday, Day 3, when shooting was due to begin, I Alan Partridge had only completed quadrant 2 of Mondays schedule : the storyboard outline.

On top of that, I Alan Partridge had accidentally cut-off my left toe, and I was keeping it cool in a rubbish bin for re-attachment. I was however very dismissive when a fellow actor severed a finger which I then accidentally brushed out of the window where it was lost forever. While I was playing down my responsibility and mocking them for being a wuss I accidentally trod in the bin and crushed my own severed toe to jelly, at which point my distress and self pity went off the scale!

Dream Interpretation:

I feel totally unprepared for our journey;

I’m anxious about the safety of squashable food in my bag, especially the tomatoes;

I need to take the anxieties of my fellow travellers as seriously as my own;

Rosa is a young offender;

Shannon and me are E-list celebs.

But this anxiety dream has a positive, re-assuring twist for me:  The script of a Nativity Play is already known to us all so it won’t be hard to improvise convincingly as we go along, arriving in due course to celebrate Christmas in Australia at their Summer Solstice.

And I am as ridiculous as Alan Partridge.